A Day In Hyrule
by rct
Summary: Don't let the sunny title mislead you, this story is extremely random and weird. Navi has contracted Evil Fairy Syndrome, what will everyone else do?


Well, here it appears, the ever-awaited (by me anyway), much hoped-for (again, by me), and beautifully endearing (guess) story by moi, rct the deku nut, no capitilization please. I had the hardest time titling this thing, so if you have any suggestions for a better one, send them. This fic contains a lot of *ed-out cursing, so if *s offend you, don't read this. It is currently rated PG-13, but I may have to up the rating later. I certainly hope not.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not, unfortunately, own The Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. Any expressions including "Morgan's mule" belong to Terry Pratchett, except the last one which I made up. Also, the first, "faster than Morgan's mule in a choccy patch" is actually "happier than Morgan's mule in a choccy patch," but since that does not fit into my story I changed it. I also do not own the song "Waltzing Matilda" which is, however, a wonderful song.  
  
This date, Aug. 2, is my sixth-month anniversary here on FFN, so I give you........ (drumroll please)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A Day In Hyrule  
  
by rct the deku nut  
  
Chapter One  
In Which the Plot, If, Indeed,   
There is One, Does Not   
Appear Until Near the End  
  
  
  
  
  
  
One day, Link ran around Hyrule Field as fast as Morgan's mule in a choccy patch, just because he could. He was singing too. Because he could.   
  
"Once a jolly swagman camped by a billybong! Under the SHADE of a COOLABAH tree!"  
  
Then Zelda came and said, "Link what the **** are you doing?"  
  
"What's it look like?" said Link. "I'm running around singing!"  
  
"Oh!" said Zelda. "I get it!"  
  
"He's deranged," commented Navi.   
  
"No one asked you, you freak of nature!" said Link.   
  
"I'm not a freak of nature, I'm a fairy you stupid frickin nitwit!"  
  
"You look like a freak to me!" said Link. "Now let me sing in peace! ONCE A JOLLY SWAGMAN-"  
  
"Din, shut up you freak!" said Zelda.  
  
"I thought we had already established that I'm NOT a freak!" said Link. "USE YOUR LOGIC SKILLS WOMAN!"   
  
"Oh, shut up," said Zelda. "I'm going a bar."  
  
"**** you!" said Link.   
  
"**** yourself you deranged Australian-wannabe."   
  
"Wait!" called Link as she stalked off, "where's Australia?"  
  
"The world may never know," said Navi sarcastically.  
  
"Shut the **** up you ******* tennis ******* ball that ******* GLOWS!" shouted Link. "I'm THROUGH with you! **** that stupid ******* DEKU TREE!! It's HIS fault I'm ******* STUCK with you!"  
  
"Holy Nayru, I had no idea anyone could use that many astericks in four sentences," said Navi.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hey baby you got it goin on!" said the drunken Mido to Zelda as she walked in The Giant Mustached Tree, the Kokiri bar.  
  
"Shut up you perverted midget," said Zelda. To the bartender, "I want fifteen margaritas and a Bloody Mary for here."  
  
"I'll need to see some ID," said the stupid bartender.  
  
"I'm the ******* PRINCESS of the ******* WORLD! GIVE ME SOME ******* ALCOHOL YOU ******* *******!"  
  
The bartender, who was 3 feet tall, looked in horror at the many astericks.   
  
"All right," he conceded, and gave her 15 margaritas, a Bloody Mary, "and a glass of water. Water's free here in Kokiri, Princess," the bartender said helpfully.   
  
"Water's free everywhere you ******* idiot migdet!" snarled Zelda as she downed three margaritas at once.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"ONCE A JOLLY SWAGMAN CAAAMPED BY A BILLYBONG-" Link paused to catch his breath, "UNDER THE SHAAADE OF A COOOOLABAH TREE!"   
  
"If you don't shut up I'll find a dagger and cut off your [censored for small children and Kokiri midgets]!"  
  
"Ooo, I'm really scared! Like you could even hold a dagger! Do you even have hands? Hahahahahahaha!" laughed Link.  
  
Navi seethed with unrequitted anger. "I'll get him yet!" she hissed to herself, "and the world shall tremble and quake with fear at the might of my wrath! Mua ahahah haha!"  
  
"-AND HE SANG AS HE WATCHED AND WAAITED FOR HIS BILLYBOIL-"  
  
Navi's invisible eyes glowed red as she conceived her infant plan.  
  
"Hey, when we get to the Deku ******* I'm gettin rid of you," Link told the demon fairy.  
  
"INDEED," intoned Navi. "BUT PERHAPS THAT IS ONLY WHAT YOU INTEND. PERHAPS... THE OUTCOME WILL PROVE... EEEEEVIL. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Link stared in horror as his normally purplish fairy glowed black with red eyes.  
  
"What the ****?"  
  
Navi's fairy body started spinning around since she didn't have a head.  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! AND HA!  
  
"Argh!" yelled Link. "Demon fairy on the loose! Run for your lives! She'll eat you alive and spit up pea soup!"   
  
He was sudenly grasped with the irresistible urge to sing.   
  
"WALTZING MATILDA! WAAALTZING MATILDA!"   
  
He stopped, feeling this wasn't quite the tone he should take with an evil flying short*** on the loose.   
  
"DEMON FAIRY ON THE RUUUUN! UM.... HEEEEELP!" He paused, bewildered. "AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE AUSTRALIA IS! WAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Zelda's bloodshot eyes darted around the room, stealing people's drinks. She mumbled incoherently as Mido crawled under her chair and looked up her skirt.   
  
"Wzt? Mippity...moppity.. moo?"   
  
"Good lady, I believe you're drunk!" said the cheerful barman.  
  
"Me too," said Zelda, and passed out, squashing Mido.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Link ran from the rotating fairy demon all the way to Lon Lon Ranch. Malon saw him.   
  
"Man, Link must be in love with me!" she thought.   
  
The reason she thought this is because she was on drugs. She put up the little bag of powder, applied her makeup rather shakily, and put on her Scent of Manure perfume. She ensured Talon wouldn't wake up any time soon and stabbed Ingo because she felt like it. She hid his body in a haystack and put on classical music.  
  
Link ran in screaming. "DEMON FAIRY! DEMON FAIRY!"  
  
"Calm down, Link!" cried Malon, alarmed. "I know you love me, you don't have to scream!"  
  
"What the ****?" said Link. "I don't love you! But listen, there's this fairy, she-"  
  
"Shut up and kiss me, Link!" cried Malon, and grabbed his head.  
  
"Mmmmph!" said Link, but Malon didn't stop. He was starting to get very scared.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When Zelda awoke, the world was black.   
  
"Argh! Helphelphelp!" she cried, in the hopes this would do something.  
  
"Oh, it's you, princess," said the bartender. "Are you awake?"  
  
"No, I'm not!" yelled Zelda. "I'm just sitting up and talking! WHAT THE **** DO YOU THINK, YOU SHORT*** MIGDET *******?!"  
  
"I see you're certainly fine!" said the cheery Kokiri happily.  
  
"Why do I feel so ******* weird?"  
  
"Oh, you're drunk!" said the bartender like this was the most exciting thing in the world. "I suppose it comes of drinking 75 margaritas, 56 Bloody Marys, 391 peach brandies and a gin and tonic!"  
  
Zelda thought as quickly as was possible, and raced out of the bar like Morgan's mule after eatin' Ma's crow pie.  
  
"Wait!" cried the decieved Kokiri. "You forgot to pay your tab!"  
  
Zelda grinned to herself as she high-tailed it into Hyrule. As she reached the castle, she remembered she was drunk and collapsed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"NO!" Link cried finally, shoving Malon off him. "Malon, you have serious problems! Get away from me!"  
  
Malon's drug-affected eyes swirled. "Hey Linky," she said coyly, "wanna try some 'Dust?"  
  
Link was hit with a burst of sudden understanding. "Ohhhh," he thought. "So thaaaat's what her problem is."  
  
"Um, no thanks, Malon," he said aloud. "My mum always said to me, she did, Linky, she would say, now, don't you ever put any sort of powdery substance, she said, up yer nose, that's what my mum told me, never ever, yup, because, she said, it makes you, that's what she said, she said, it makes you ODD, she said. In ther HEAD, that's what my mum told me, she sure did, yup yup."  
  
Malon blinked. Her deficient brain did not understand what Link had said, so she ignored it. She blinked.   
  
"Um," she said hesitantly, "are you SURE you don't want any? It makes you feel real good."  
  
"That sentence was gramatically incorrect," said Link. "The correct way to voice that idea would be 'it makes you feel really well.'"  
  
"Oh," said Malon. "Yeah. Um. So did you or not want some happy powder?"  
  
"Well, since you INSIST," said Link. "Why not?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The King of Hyrule was not in a good mood. His guards had found his daughter passed out outside the castle drunk, and he had just recieved a call from a certain The Giant Mustached Tree pub in Kokiri Forest telling him that he owed it 709r. Since he was not mentally deficient in any way, he put two and two together and got four, but then he put his drunk daughter and a pub tab together and got mad.  
  
He stormed down to Zelda's bedroom and glared at her. She blinked at him.  
  
"Hi, daddy. My head hurts. Are you mad at me?"  
  
His resolve melted as he looked into his daughter's greenish face.  
  
"Aww, Zeldy sweetums, daddy isn't mad at you. He's only glad you're all right. He just doesn't want you to get drunk in strange bars with midgets anymore, okay, honey?"  
  
"Okay, daddy," said Zelda sweetly, and did a technicolor snake all over the King of Hyrule, who then recieved a message asking him to kindly pay for the medical bills of one Mido, who had apparently broken several bones by being sat on by the Princess of Destiny.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Navi stopped spinning and bobbed in the air, unsure of how to begin wreaking havoc.   
  
"HMM," she thought to herself. "MAYBE I'LL SMASH UP SOME TREES IN THE FOREST! YEAAH! MUAHAHAHAHA!! NO... THAT'S TOO WIMPY! I'LL... TIP SOME COWS! NO... THAT'S REALLY VERY NEOPHYTISH. PERHAPS I COULD..." Her evil red fairy eyes shone with a manevolent light. "I WILL RULE THE WOOORLD! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAA! MUAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" She coughed. "AH HA!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Zelda awoke groggily. "What the **** just happened?" she thought. Then it all came back. She groaned and got out of her giant and luxurious bed.   
  
"I'll never go into a pub again!" she vowed. She remembered what she had said to Link and decided to find him and explain to him where Australia was, since he was a bit... lacking. Mentally.  
  
She left the castle, all the while getting rude looks from palace guards.  
  
"Please, Princess," one had the nerve to speak to her, "don't get drunk again. The King was very upset."  
  
Zelda, seized with indignation, glared at the offending guard.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME IN SUCH A WAY!" she shrieked. "IMPUDENT FOOL! DO YOU NOT KNOW TO WHOM YOU SPEAK? MY FATHER WILL HEAR OF THIS, AND YOU WILL BE BANISHED TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH FOR YOUR IMPUDENCE AND DISRESPECT THIS DAY! DISBELIEVE ME NOT! YOU! WILL! PAAAAY! AAHAHAHAHA!"   
  
With that, Zelda raced from the castle, shrieking with laughter, while the Hylians she passed gave her odd looks.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Link, meanwhile, was in happy land.   
  
"Whoa," he murmured to Malon, "look at those elephants!"  
  
"No, the penguins are neater!" she squeaked, and snorted the white powder.  
  
"Gimme some more!" said Link. "I gotta do this more often!"  
  
"Yeah," said Malon. "It's totally awesome if you do it with stobe lights on."  
  
"Dude," said Link, in awe. "Malon, you're totally hard-core. I'm gonna come over here more often."  
  
Malon smirked, even in the powder haze. "Hah! That ***** Zelda couldn't even compete with me!" she thought, and started making out with Link.  
  
"No, stop, Malon!" protested Link. "I want to watch the monkey fight!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
While Link and Zelda were imbibing, variously, alchohol and drugs, Navi was plotting world domination.  
  
"HMM," said Navi to herself, "HOW SHALL I GO ABOUT THIS DASTARDLY DEED?"  
  
The evil fairy thought and thought until she had the tiniest bud of a plan. She smiled an evil fairy smile and plotted.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Deep in the deep depths of the depthful deep Zora's Domain, an evil and malignant force waited. It lurked like Morgan's mule after being hit with a radioactive powerplant, and I made that one up.   
  
Ruto the Zora was neurotic and schitzophrenic, ever since she had been rejected countless times by her fiance, Link. She was twitching slowly in her Princess Zora suite when an evil demon-like entity approached.  
  
"RUTO!" it boomed.   
  
"Yeeeees?" said Ruto obnoxiously. Some things never change.  
  
"WILL THOU JOIN ME ON MY EEEVIL QUEST TO WREAK HAVOC UNTO THE WORLD AND PLACE LINK IN ETERNAL TORMENT?"  
  
"That sounds delightful!" said Ruto happily. "Shall we start now?"  
  
"YESSSS," said the glowing entity.  
  
"Smashing!" said Ruto. "But... can we also wreak havoc on Zelda and Malon? They should remain in eternal torment too!"  
  
"INDEED," said the demon. "AND NOW... I SHALL REVEAL TO YOU MY IDENTITY... AND WE SHALL GATHER FOLLOWERS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"  
  
"Can I try that?" asked Ruto.  
  
"CERTAINLY. GO AHEAD."  
  
"Muahhaha! Muahaha! Muahah!"  
  
"IT JUST DOSEN'T SOUND RIGHT WHEN YOU DO IT."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Zelda ran randomly around in circles calling "Waltzing matilda! Waltzing matilda! Who'll come a waltzing matilda with me?!"  
  
A random Hylian told her, "Oh, shut up!"  
  
Zelda blinked and sat down. "I need a drink."  
  
She headed for the nearest bar.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Navi and Ruto began work on their evil plan.   
  
"NOW," said Navi, "WE MUST GATHER OTHERS WHO SHALL JOIN US IN OUR QUEST OF WORLD DOMINATION AND VENGEANCE UPON ALL LIFE FORMS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Oh, I know!" said Ruto. "Ganondorf will help us!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ganondorf was in the tallest tower in the tallest wing of his very tall castle, brushing his teeth. He had noticed that they had been going yellow lately and had resolved to do something about this. He was now up to five times a day.   
  
"Mmmph mmphmmph mmphmmph mmph," he attempted to hum with the toothbrush in his mouth.  
  
"Ganondorf, sir!" said a Gerudo minion.  
  
"Mnt oo ee I'nd," Ganondorf spit into the sink, "busy?"  
  
"There's a glowing fairy and a Zora to see you, sir," said the Gerudo.  
  
"See them in," said Ganon impatiently. "Honestly, if this keeps up, my teeth will never be perfect!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Link blinked at the pretty lights and swirling colors, which were slowly dissapating.  
  
"Hmm," he said slowly. "Malon...?"  
  
"Yeah?" she said. "My colors are going away."  
  
"Do you have anything... stronger?"  
  
"Oh!" said Malon. "How could I have forgotten! I'll go and get it!"  
  
Link grinned as Malon ran off, happy in the knowledge of more drugs. He had forgotten all about the evil that threatened his homeland...   
  
DUN DUN DUNNNN!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Zelda stood outside The Pinkish Box, the Castle Town's only bar. "Entry denied to anyone under the age of 21" said a sign outside the door. Zelda shrugged and went inside.  
  
"Here," said someone in the gloom, "you're not 21!"  
  
"**** off!" she said haughtily.   
  
"Don't tell me what to do!" shouted the bartender. "And unless you have some ID, you're-"  
  
He stopped as Zelda shoved him a humongous bag of rupees. His eyes had little rupee signs in them as he stared at the mulah.  
  
"Yup, that's enough ID for me," he stammered, and Zelda ordered her drinks. And some more drinks. She couldn't count how many, but this may be because she was totally drunk and couldn't see straight.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The King of Hyrule was extremely pissed, and we mean this in the American way, that he was annoyed, not the British way, which would mean he was drunk, like Zelda. In fact, we could say that the King of Hyrule was pissed because he knew his daughter was getting pissed, aha. But anyway, back to the story.   
  
Zelda had snuck off again, after promising to banish one guard and scaring the **** out of the townspeople. He wrote himself a note on his hands saying "Zelda is bad and should be punished. She is NOT a sweet little angel. Remember this." Somehow he didn't think it would work.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Gannondorf looked skeptically down on his visitors, since he was at least a foot taller than everyone else in the world. When they asked him about it he put it down to eating lots of beans, but the real reason was the Tur-BoD 300,000,000 locked in his attic which no one knew about. Not that this has anything at all to do with anything.  
  
"What do you want?" he snapped in his Evil-Overlord-Stereotype voice.  
  
The fairy's glow brightened as she spake her words of lead. "WE HAVE COME," she spaketh, "TO ASK FOR... ASSISTANCE. YESSSS..."  
  
"Assistance in what?" Gannondorf barked.  
  
"WHY," said the fairy in a voice whick spake of evil and destruction, "IN WORLD DOMINATION AND INFINITE TORTURE, MUAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"I see," said Ganondorf thoughtfully. "Yes, I think I _could_ help you in that respect..."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Link looked with glee at the bag of greenish greasy powder Malon held.  
  
"This stuff's the real thing," Malon said, her eyes dilating in a worrisome way.  
  
"Shui," said Link, grinning. "Let's have some, then."  
  
Malon passed him the bag.  
  
Link happily snorted some, and watched the pretty sparkles as his nose shut off. Suddenly, he remembered.  
  
"Malon!" he cried. "Navi's trying to take over Hyrule!"  
  
"Gosh, Link," said Malon. "All I'm seeing is bunnies and lollipops flying. Maybe you had too much."  
  
"No, it's true!" he shouted. "Malon, you have to believe me!"  
  
"Maybe sometime when you're not high."  
  
Link couldn't help himself, so he sang gloomily, "Because I got high, because I got hiiigh," but his heart wasn't in it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Gannondorf stared at the demon fairy as she finished telling him her ev-ile plan.  
  
"That's crazy!"  
  
Navi grinned an evil fairy grin, but no one could see it, so Ruto did the evil grin for her.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Zelda was determined not to pass out as she imbibed bottle after bottle. She would not let the authorities take her back to the castle drunk, no indeed! She stood up shakily, and slowly weaved her way out of The Pinkish Box, stepping over recumbant bodies as she did so. She blinked in the sudden light, and started her way to Kokiri Forest, since she knew, slightly, that's where Link lived. Her clouded brain could not get the message to her that she should not sing, so she did.  
  
"Waltzing MATILDAAAAA!" she shreiked, off-key. "Waltziiiing matildaaaaaa! WHO'LL come-a WALTZiiiing matilDA with MEEE?!"   
  
The people of the Castle Town went o.O at her as she sang. When she reached the last verse, they started sweat-dropping.  
"Annnnnd his GHOOOOOST! May be HEEEEEARD! As you're PASSSSIIIING byyyy that BI I I LL I BOOOONG!"  
  
The townspeople quickly hurried their small children inside, while some older ones began poking Zelda to see if she would notice.  
  
"YOU ******* LITTLE BRATS! I'LL HAVE YOUR ******* LITTLE HEADS FOR MY ******* TEA! YOU HEAR ME? **** YOU!"  
  
The children shreiked in terror and ran away as Zelda stormed out of the market and into Hyrule Field.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Link was still high, but he knew he had to do something about the evil Navi.   
  
"Malon?"  
  
"What is it, Link? Me and this here purple candy bar don't have all day."  
  
"I have to save the world again."  
  
"Yeah right. From what?"  
  
"Navi."  
  
"Y-you mean the f-fairy?" sqeaked Malon. "Oh, no! That thing terrifies me! Remember how I used to call you Fairy Boy because I thought you were an evil incarnate with a demon neurotic fairy?"  
  
Link blinked, and shook his head. "Malon, we have to get help! She'll gather followers and take over the world!"  
  
"But who can we trust?" asked Malon, who was having fun because she thought Link was hallucinating.  
  
"Hmmm," said Link. "I know! Saria!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Zelda ran through the field, her dress streaming behind her, towards Kokiri Forest.  
  
"The hiiiiillls are alive!" she sang. "With the soound of muuuuusic! OOOOOOooOOOOOOH!"  
  
Several flowers wilted and an innocent bunny keeled over.  
  
Zelda sang on.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Saria?" said Malon skeptically. "What can that migdet ***** do?"  
  
"She's the wisest person I know who dosen't eat constantly!" Link said, oblivious to Malon's obvious dislike of the short green Sage.  
  
"Ohhhh, well THAT makes her PERFECT!" said Malon sarcastically, but Link was high, so he said, "Great! Let's go!"  
  
And they, too, set off for Kokiri.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Saria was at her home in Kokiri forest, relaxing after a hard day of Saging and beating up Mido, that pervert.  
  
She had just settled down for a nice Deku salad when she heard footsteps pounding on the Kokiri Bridge, and an odd wailing noise.  
  
"The green grass grows all around all around! And the GREEN grass GROWS all AROOOUND!"  
  
Saria bloted out of her house to see the spirit that could cause such a disturbance in the peaceful Kokiri. As she watched, Zelda thundered through the entrance tunnel, singing.  
  
"Where's LINK? LINK! This forest's so great! Where's LINK, LINK! I think I'm too late! Hey, LINK! LINK! Where THE **** are you?-"  
  
"What is the meaning of this?" said Mido, trying to seem dignified. By this time, all the Kokiri had emerged from their houses and were staring at the drunk princess.  
  
"And why are you making up random lyrics?" asked a red-haired Kokiri.  
  
"Ummm..." said Zelda. "Ummm... where's Link?"  
  
"He hasn't been here for seven years!" snapped Mido. "Anyways, I don't know why you'd want a guy like him when you could have ME..."  
  
Zelda and all the Kokiri girls gagged.  
  
"He's not here," Saria told Zelda.  
  
"When... willhebeback?" slurred Zelda.  
Suddenly, they all heard footsteps on the bridge, and Link came in dragging Malon. He was singing Waltzing Matilda. He stopped when he saw Saria, his eyes glancing over Zelda, figuring she was a hallucination.  
  
"Saria!" he called. "I have to tell ya somethin'! In private!" Wiyth that, he grabbed Saria and pulled her and Malon into Saria's house.  
  
"Link!" cried Zelda, and followed.  
  
All of the Kokiri stood with their mouths open as they watched the proceedings, until finally they went inside.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Well," said Ganondorf, a while after Navi and Ruto had finished their maniacal laughter, "I suppose that could work, if you really put some thought into it..."  
  
"IT MUST BE THE MIGHTIEST EVER. IT MUST BE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. TO DESTROY THE WORLD, IT MUST BE... PERFECT!"  
  
Ganondorf waited patiently as Navi and Ruto laughed maniacally. It was a phase; they'd grow out of it. He sighed, reminscent of his younger days, when being an Evil King was something you could really put your soul into. He remembered how the evil laugh was like an art form to him, perfected and beautiful. But then he'd matured, and learned that being an Evil King wasn't all about sacrificial virgins and maniacal laughter; a real villain had responsibilities. Oh, well. The paperwork could wait, he would help these young'ins achieve their dream, just as he had.   
  
It just made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Saria stared in horror at the assemblage in her house; which house, by the way, she had just cleaned. She loked at her beautiful floor, which now had green powder on it. She looked suspiciously at Malon, whose eyes were slightly unfocused.  
  
"All right, what's the problem?" she asked, trying not to seem too annoyed.  
  
"Link dosen't know where Australia is!" Zelda giggled.  
  
"Someone tranquilize her," said Link as Saria stared at Zelda. "I think she's been drinking."  
  
"Drinking, hah!" said Zelda. "Drunk, that's the word, hehe, yes, drunk off my ***!" Zelda gurgled happily at sat down suddenly on the floor.   
  
"Excuse me for a moment," said Saria to Link and Malon, and she ran to the Know-It-All Brothers' house and asked to borrow their Deku tranquilizer. After giving her some funny looks, the Know-It-All Brothers gave her some, and she ran back to her own house, where she injected Zelda, who promptly passed out.  
  
"Okay," said Saria testily. "Someone explain what's going on."  
  
"You see," said Link, "Navi's gone mad and is trying to take over the world."  
  
"Hehe, but Linky's been taking happy powder," said Malon.  
  
Saria looked from Malon to Link and glared at him. He gave her his most innocent look.  
  
"It's true!" he declared. "She turned black and her eyes glowed red and she started talking in an evil voice which spake of death and destruction!"  
  
"Hmm," said Saria, contemplating. "Well, if what you say is true, then Navi has Evil Fairy Syndrome, or EFS."  
  
"What is that, Saria?" Link asked nervously.  
  
"The symptoms are glowing either black or red, and eyes changing to either red, black, pink, or orange. Of course, those are only the physical changes," Saria told him grimly. "Internal symptoms are desire for world domination, the need to gather followers or assistants, and..." Saria shuddered, "and blowing up cities and/or countries. Hmm... Link, did you notice any maniacal laughter?"  
  
"Yes," said Link, who had become increasingly worried as he heard this, since he recognized Navi in everything Saria had said, and not only after she had turned into Demon Pixie. "Saria?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I think Navi's been that way for a long time. Even before she turned black with red eyes."  
  
"Yes," said Saria sadly. "They often go slowly. I've read about this in the Sage Library. They get the internal symptoms first, before going all out with the glowing eyes thing. In fact," she lowered her voice, "very few fairys actually get to the glowing part. Most go mad and bite themselves to death first. There have only been two reported cases in the history of Hyrule. Ever wonder," she whispered,"why Hyrule was in flames less than twenty years ago?"  
  
Many Kokiri wondered about the loud high-pitched scream that came from Saria's house then.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"We need to start making blueprints immediately," said Ganondorf.   
  
"NO!" said Demon Tennis Ball. "WE MUST HAVE FOLLOWERS FIRST! I SHALL SEE TO THAT! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"  
  
Ganondorf was worried about Navi; she seemed to enjoy the maniacal laughter a bit more than was necessary.  
  
"All right," he said. "I'll begin the plans, you and Ruto get the followers."  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" said Navi.  
  
"Muahaha! Muahahahah! Ahaha! Hah!" said Ruto.  
  
"YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!" said Navi impatiently as they started out.  
  
Ganondorf sighed and began the blueprints.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh, dear. Please tell me what you think of my first-ever slight plot. I'm afraid I may have gotten carried away. Oh well, we're all learnin' together here. Meheheheh. ^_^ 


End file.
